Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
