Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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