dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
