i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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