Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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