Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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