he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
