I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
