Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
