i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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