never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
