So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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