Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
