For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
