I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
