I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
