allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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