the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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