Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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