did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
