I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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