you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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