You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
