Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
