I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
