Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
