umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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