I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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