Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
