Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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