On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
