I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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