puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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