Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
