yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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