She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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