you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
