I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
