Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
