I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
