tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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