then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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