I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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