You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
