College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
