I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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