y did u give ur computer a hand job?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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