I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
