My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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