Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Terrible idea I love it
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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