Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
