just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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