i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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