Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Enjoy the penises
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
