so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
