I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
