Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
