Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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