I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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