Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
