i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
