youre lurking in front of me
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
