I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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