i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
