my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
