this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
